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- First Message Strategy #2: Connect On Common Ground.
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This is supposed to be fun for all involved. If your first e-mail is too carefully composed, it's going to show like the trembling hands of a nervous dork. Dobbs, I can authoritatively answer that your assertion about the winks and the paying is not true. I ought to know; you can memail me if you'd like to discuss it further. Oh, also, under no circumstances should your profile picture be of you playing a guitar.
Or standing next to your car. Those are instant deletions. The exception to this is if you're rocking the fuck out on stage with your band and someone took the picture from the audience! And you don't look like a pompous guitar masturbator.
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Basically, if you look like Steve Vai on stage, leave the picture out. If you look like Ted Leo, you are golden. Make sure to ask a specific question related to her interests or her profile. If you just talk about yourself or write a generic "how are you? Don't knock yourself creating the perfect most clever email ever.
Keep it simple, short, and personalized to her lots of good advice above. Remember that your profile and pictures are just as important as the email. Spend some time on getting those right. Even the wittiest email won't mean much if you don't have an interesting profile to support it. Think of this as a fun dating obstacle course: When you write to a woman, she'll read your message, see your face, and then with any luck click on your profile to learn more about you before writing back. Those are 3 separate things she has to see and like, and any one of them can be a stumbling block.
Your goal is to get her to your profile and writing back to you, so make sure each of those pieces is good enough to keep her going forward with you. One more on the photo: Please do not put up a photo of you and a woman and just chop her out of the photo. Every time I have seen a photo cropped too close on one side, and a strange female arm coming out of nowhere, I have quickly moved on. Nthing the advice to ask her a question about something in her profile.
How to write opening emails on online dating sites. - onlinedating | Ask MetaFilter
Something like "I find you interesting" makes her do the work to start the conversation--she has to figure out what it is that you might have in common. Make it easy for her to respond by giving her something specific to respond to. Never ever do this. I'd go a little further with this and advise that all your photos be of you only. It doesn't matter whether the other person in your photo is a Playmate or your eight drinking buddies or your infant daughter or Kofi Annan.
The purpose of the picture is so women can see what you look like; it's better to leave the rest to your written profile. Group shots are often blurrier and less flattering than individual photos. A lot of really good advice in this thread so far. Avoid anything that sounds like spam. Don't talk about attraction. If they seem real, pick one or two things that stood out to you and discuss them, or disagree, etc.
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This is good because these are the women that every other guy has e-mailed and they're all falling over themselves to compliment the girl; distinguish yourself by asking if that picture is actually of her mom. In the same vein, feel free to accuse her of actually being a man, or having horrible grammar or vapid interests, etc. Ask her a question or two so she knows what to say in the reply. Don't tell her what you do for a living or where you live in the first e-mail.
Keep some mystery so she wants to write you back. Oh, and unless you are very, very attractive or very, very confident, don't be self effacing. You're not likely to be written back if you've already started issuing disclaimers. Associating with women is bad? Guys typically do it when the other person was a previous significant other.
To women, it gives the impression of potential bitterness and raises the thought of "Do you really not have a photo of yourself that shows you exist on your own? If someone's profile seems too good to be true but you're still interested in them, mock them. Good advice, although it's a subtle art, and it will fail repeatedly until you figure out how to do it correctly. Agreeing to say do show that you have at least read their profile, and you're not just sending the same email to other women.
But don't overdo it. Funny is good, but be gentle Trying too hard has an unmistakable smell to it. Personally, I have been more open to people who are straightforward and say what they want, e. Us girls love compliments but that can be dangerous territory, so check with a female friend to make sure you're going about it the right way. Be sincere and light Send out a lot of emails just to get comfortable with the process and to see what kind of feedback you get from your efforts. You will find it easier to hone your emailing skills with all that practice.
In the end, no matter how good your email is, if they aren't into you, they just aren't into you. When I get emails from someone I am just not into, I really don't know how to reply in a non-hurtful way maybe the subject of a future question here!
You seem really nice. If you're interested, I hope to hear from you soon. Have a nice day! You say your name. This shows you are being upfront and honest, and not a stalker. You compliment her, without swooning. I think "nice" does the job nicely.
First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs
You say something about her profile- not about her looks. You use the word "love" in a subliminal message sort of way. You say "If you're interested You tell her to have a nice day, and use an exclamation point, to show you're not depressed.
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